I’ve Lied in Therapy Too. Here’s What It Taught Me About Truth.

In my last post, I talked about lying in therapy. I wrote from the perspective of a therapist navigating the new culture we live in, where lying is somewhat of a norm. But I also mentioned that I, myself have lied in therapy before. I wanted to talk a little more about lying while on the couch and tools we can use to stop lying, to our therapists, our loved ones, and even ourselves.

First, it’s important to remember that lying in therapy, or even elsewhere in your life is not a failure. It’s an entry point. When you lie, ask yourself why? Did you feel the need to protect yourself? Did you feel threatened? Did you feel misunderstood? If we can meet it with curiosity, not punishment, it can lead us deeper into the truth.

The next step is to confront that truth head on. And the safest place to start that process is in your next therapy session. I talked before about how social media and culture reward the façade of perfection. Therapy should be a place to let all that go; a place to let your whole, messy, contradictory self be seen, accepted, and loved.

But that process can’t start unless we stop lying. Don’t get it twisted: lying isn’t a failure or an objectively bad thing, but it can create distance between loved ones, people with your best interests in mind, and even within yourself. Here are a few ways we can start building more honest relationships in everyday life.

1. Notice Where You Edit: Keep a daily journal, where you ask yourself: “Where did I say something that wasn’t quite true today? Why?”

   
   

2. Practice Micro-Truths: Start in safe places, with trusted friends, family, or your therapist. Be honest about how you feel. Tell someone you’re tired, instead of “fine” or “okay.” Take chances to name your preferences (e.g. “I’m not very hungry now, thanks.” Or “I’d rather go that store”).

   
   

3. Use Creative Practices: Automatic writing or drawing can help bypass the internal censor and bring unconscious material forward.

   
   

4. Identify Your Inner Critic: Identify the voice that tells you it’s not okay to say what you really feel. Whose voice is it? A parent? An old friend? A former manager?

   
   

5. Write a Letter: Write a letter you’ll never send to someone you’re struggling to be honest with. You can even do this on your phone, in a notes app as if you’re sending a text or email, whatever feels the most realistic to you. Let yourself be messy and unfiltered.

   
   

It’s always important to remember that learning to live in truth isn’t an overnight process. Especially for those of us who’ve been conditioned to please, to perform, or to protect at all costs. Lying, whether it’s to ourselves, to loved ones, or even at work is often a long-practiced survival strategy. But like every strategy, we can pivot, revise, and ultimately replace it with something more sustainable.

The journey towards honesty isn’t about getting it perfect—it’s about getting closer. Closer to your feelings. Closer to your needs. Closer to others. Closer to yourself.

So the next time you catch yourself telling a half-truth or editing your story, don’t shame yourself. Pause. Get curious. Ask: What am I trying to protect here? And what would it take to feel safe enough to be fully seen?

You don’t have to dismantle your defences all at once. Start small. Start where you are. But start.

In a time where our world leaders are setting the example of telling half-truths—or sometimes no truths, where social media is asking us to always show up as the most polished, put-together versions of ourselves, every moment of truth-telling brings us one step closer to our own freedom. Lying may be human, but honesty is how we come home to ourselves.

If you’re navigating your own relationship with truth and would like support unpicking these patterns, you can get in touch here — I’d be glad to walk alongside you in a patient, judgement free place.