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Lying on the Couch: Post Truth Culture, Protection, and Shadow Gestalt
- Kelly Field
- Jun 27
- 4 min read
Why do people lie in therapy and how can we get to the truth?
Over the past decade, there has been a culture shift about truth, reality, and sincerity. Recent reporting shows that nothing hurts a dating profile more than being “cringe” which, decoded from internet vernacular, translates into being your authentic self. Earlier this year, when TikTok was facing a ban, influencers took to the site to come clean of the lies they were telling in order to gain a following and sell products. The most identifiable start of this shift was just under a decade ago, when Trump’s press secretary Kellyanne Conway uttered the phrase “alternative facts.” Or, maybe it was the 2016 Vote Leave bus that helped push Brexit but never delivered on promised NHS funding.
Either way, we’re living in what many now refer to as a post-truth culture—where feelings matter more than facts; curated identities are prioritised over authenticity. In such a climate, it’s hardly surprising that clients might show up in therapy with a polished version of themselves.
Social media—and even media at large—rewards appearances: wellness as aesthetic, success as optics, vulnerability as performance. This can bleed into the therapy room, with clients instinctively performing rather than revealing. They may not even realise they’re doing it. Let’s talk about why people lie in therapy, how to notice it, and how to call it out in a way that minimises awkwardness and continues a constructive relationship between client and therapist.
The reasons people lie in therapy are often complex and misunderstood—why seek out a therapeutic space only to be untruthful? But in my experience as a therapist and a human being, lying is rarely about deceit. More often, they are silent protectors—shields for parts of the self, shaped by past trauma, unmetabolised shame, or the haunting fear of being misunderstood. Shame acts as both a silencer and a sculptor of the self—shaping what we dare reveal, even to ourselves. Many clients lie not to deceive, but to preserve dignity where they once felt destroyed.
I’ve had clients lie about their substance use, their partners, even their tears. And I’ve done it too. I can recall a time in my own therapy when I pretended that a comment hadn’t upset me. I laughed it off, shrugged, said, “It’s fine.” What I really felt was small, exposed, humiliated. But the truth felt too raw to name. That small white lie was a defence mechanism I had built up over time, a survival strategy from earlier chapters of my life. It wasn’t until I revisited that moment with my therapist that I could access the underlying pain, and something inside me softened.
In Gestalt therapy, we speak of the contact cycle: awareness → mobilisation → action → contact → satisfaction → withdrawal. Lies disrupt this cycle, causing fragmentation. When the truth is avoided, the cycle cannot complete. The client remains in an unresolved energetic loop, stuck in a ‘shadow Gestalt,’ a parallel process where something is missing or obscured.
With clients, I often feel this as a sense of pulling away in the field. Their eyes glaze slightly, or they talk in circles, or their story lacks the usual embodied presence. Something flat or over-rehearsed. At these times, I might gently ask, “What’s happening for you as you say that?” or reflect, “It feels like something shifted just then.” Here are some Gestalt-informed and integrative interventions when you sense a lie might be present:
1. Track the Contact BoundaryNotice where the interruption occurs in the contact cycle and ask: “Did something change just now?” or “I’m sensing some distance, does that feel true for you?”
2. Normalise the Protective FunctionSoftly encourage reflection: “Sometimes we tell a different version of a story because the truth feels too vulnerable. Could that be happening here?”
3. Use Embodied AwarenessLies often live in muscle memory and materialise in body language. Notice a shift in a client’s body language when they’re telling a story? Invite them to notice where they feel tension or contraction in their body while telling a particular story.
I once worked with a client who always smiled when talking about childhood, brushing over painful events with phrases like ‘it wasn’t that bad.’ But their posture would curl inward, hands clenched tightly in their lap. Gently inviting them to notice those contractions helped us unlock a layer of grief long buried beneath the performance.
4. Offer Relational SafetyAcknowledge the difficulty of honesty: “It’s hard to say some things out loud. There’s no pressure to get it ‘right.’ Just be present with your emotions and let them flow.”
5. Name the Cultural InfluenceGently highlight the societal context: “We live in a culture that rewards appearing fine. That pressure doesn’t stop when we enter therapy.”
6. Reconnect with the ‘Shadow’Gestalt therapy is about confronting past traumas. Ask questions that invite the feared consequence to emerge: “What do you imagine would happen if you told me the full truth?”
In a world where authenticity is commodified and sincerity is rationed out in bite-sized, curated clips, it is not surprising that even the therapy room isn’t immune to performance. Against this cultural backdrop, the small, sensitive stories clients bring to therapy, those subtle dodges and polished versions of pain, begin to make a certain kind of sense.
Lies are smoke signals. Not meant to deceive, but to protect what still feels too fragile to reveal. As a therapist, my job is not to snuff them out, but to sit with the signal long enough for the fire beneath it to come into the light.
Are you a therapist dealing with lies in sessions? I’d love to hear how you handle these situations. Please leave a comment below.
Do you feel the need to lie in therapy? I’d love to hear from you too. Next, I’ll be talking about tools you can use to build a more honest relationship with yourself, your therapist, and those around you. Follow or subscribe so you won’t miss it!
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