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How we inherit ways of seeing ourselves—and mistake them for the truth. TL;DR: Many of the painful beliefs we hold about ourselves are the result of other people’s opinions. This essay explores what happens when we mistake those voices for our own. A few years ago, after a particularly intense Ashtanga practice, I was standing in the changing rooms of a sheeshy yoga studio – looking like a saturated dishcloth – when I overheard two women talking about me. Or rather, abou

The art of disappointing people without abandoning yourself. TL;DR:According to Gabor Maté, if you're not a bitch, you might get an autoimmune disease. Whether or not that's true, his provocation raises an important question: what happens when we become so organised around other people's needs that we lose contact with our own? A reflection on self-sacrifice, belonging, boundaries, creativity, and the cost of abandoning ourselves in order to keep everyone else comfortable.

The New Loneliness and How Modern Life Leaves Us Emotionally Unseen Do you feel as though we are all becoming more isolated from one another? I have found myself thinking about this a great deal lately. How many of us now spend more time alone, more time behind screens, more time moving through lives that feel increasingly individualised, pressured, and emotionally self-contained. Entire days spent disappearing into laptops and phones. Conversations reduced to message threads

On race, rupture, and what it takes to stay when we get it wrong TL;DR: What does it mean to be implicated in harm while trying to do good? Ethical practice is not about getting it right, but about being willing to stay in uncomfortable relational space long enough to learn something real. As a therapist, I am constantly reflecting, learning, and adjusting. Not out of virtue, but because the work demands it. The world, the culture, and the politics surrounding us are shifting

A Gestalt perspective on polyamory, monogamy and the relational field. TL;DR We’ve built a model of love where one person is supposed to be our entire emotional world—it’s breaking under the pressure of modern life. Polyamory isn’t just about sex; for many, it’s an attempt to find honesty, connection, and more sustainable ways of relating. Expanding beyond the couple can redistribute intimacy and support but it also creates new tensions and demands. The real issue isn’t how

The Quiet Double Standard Around Women’s Boundaries TL;DR Women’s boundaries are often treated differently to men’s.When men say no, it’s seen as autonomy.When women say no, it’s more likely to be experienced as rejection — and sometimes punished. This isn’t just cultural. It’s relational.Boundaries don’t create problems. They reveal them. I’ve created a small quiz under this essay about working with “no.” Whether you’re the one setting a boundary, or the one hearing it, you

How Gestalt therapy explains why we became a culture of fakes — and what it actually takes to be real The Crisis Everyone Is Performing. Everyone Knows It. Kim Kardashian built a billion-dollar empire on the promise of total transparency — every argument, every breakdown, every unglamorous moment, broadcast. And yet in 2022 she told a journalist the secret to life is "getting up and working out." We watched her cry on camera for twenty years and still have no idea who she act

TL;DR? Under this essay I’ve created a checklist for couples to test whether you’re quiet quitting your relationship. Check it out. In November of last year, Monica Corcoran Harel wrote an insightful and thought-provoking essay in The Cut —one that exposed the phenomenon of women “checking out” of their marriages. I read compelling stories, studies, and convincing explanations for why women are deciding to “quiet quit” their marriages. But as a Gestalt therapist—one who works

My Complicated Relationship with The End. Sex and The City (2003) As the year winds down — that strange stretch of time where everything feels both too full and not quite finished — I’ve been thinking a lot about endings. Not the dramatic, cinematic ones, but the quiet, ordinary endings we avoid, postpone, or slip out of sideways. Maybe it’s the calendar turning over, or the collective instinct to “wrap things up,” but endings feel especially loud right now. The High of Hello

What a TikTok trend reveals about patriarchy, polarities and the mess of modern love. Maybe the embarrassing boyfriend trend isn’t about him at all. There’s been a lot of chatter online, debating on whether having a boyfriend is embarrassing now. I read the Chante Joseph’s viral piece in British Vogue that started it all and, as a therapist, I had some thoughts. It’s tempting to dismiss this as another silly internet fad. But field phenomena always tell a deeper story. Tre

Understanding and Coping with Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) Seasonal affective disorder As the days grow shorter and the nights stretch longer, many of us feel the shift. For some, it’s just a passing dip in energy. For others, it’s something more profound — a heaviness that settles in the body and mind. This can feel at odds with the season’s themes, especially as we come on to Christmas and the New Year. Right now, you can see influencers discussing their “winter arc,”

No manners. Just messy, human truth. Sometimes healing looks less like perfection and more like being your real, messy self—just ask...

Money. It may sit neatly in our wallets or flash as digits on a screen, but the way we relate to it is rarely tidy. For many of us, money...

In my last post, I talked about lying in therapy. I wrote from the perspective of a therapist navigating the new culture we live in,...

Why do people lie in therapy and how can we get to the truth? Photo by Baran Lotfollahi on Unsplash Over the past decade, there has been...

Conflict doesn't have to be destructive. Learn how to fight fair, connect deeper, and break old patterns—with insights from Gestalt therapy and real-life cases.

Sometimes pain isn’t just physical — it’s a full-blown existential crisis in a gum socket. Wisdom teeth are the rebellious teenagers of...

Spring doesn’t play it safe. Neither should you. Photo by Rick L on Unsplash Spring doesn’t ask for permission. It erupts. It forces...

A Guide to Surviving Your Family During Spring’s Religious Holidays Photo by Tom Watkins on Unsplash We’re in the spring holiday season,...

As a therapist, I’ve kept my emotions guarded, to create a sanctuary for my clients. But these past few months, something has shifted.