What’s Your Money Really Buying? Spoiler: it’s probably not just groceries.

Money. It may sit neatly in our wallets or flash as digits on a screen, but the way we relate to it is rarely tidy. For many of us, money isn’t just a means of exchange—it’s a minefield of emotions, memories, and meaning.

In my work as a therapist, I often see how the relationship we have with money mirrors our deeper relational patterns. Our spending habits, our impulse to save or splurge, even the anxiety we feel checking our bank balance—these are not just quirks or practical choices. They are figures that emerge from our past, shaped by family dynamics, cultural beliefs, and the context of the world we grew up in.

In Gestalt therapy, we focus on what is happening in the here and now while holding curiosity for the background from which our experiences arise. When we bring this lens to our financial lives, we can start to see that money isn’t just about transactions—it’s about relational history.

I grew up in a family that was very status-driven. Money didn’t just buy things—it bought connection, influence, and approval. My father used (and still uses) money as a kind of social currency: dinners paid for, gifts bestowed, tabs picked up—each gesture a calculated move in the game of belonging and power. As a kid, I absorbed this message loud and clear: money makes you liked. It makes you safe.

Without realising it, I began to adopt a kind of people-pleasing approach to money. I’d treat others, offer to pay, buy gifts—sometimes lavish ones—not necessarily because I wanted to, but because I feared the consequences of not doing so. I used money to manage rejection, to hold onto closeness, to try and guarantee approval. It wasn’t until much later, through therapy and reflection, that I started to unravel how tightly my sense of self-worth had become entwined with my ability to financially take care of others.

Maybe you grew up in a household where money was scarce and silence hung over the topic like a fog. Or perhaps your family talked about money often, but in tones of anxiety, blame, or secrecy. These early atmospheres don’t vanish when we grow up—they become embedded in our nervous system, subtly influencing how we feel when we spend, save, or go without.

Some clients describe guilt when spending on themselves, even when they have more than enough. Others feel a kind of high from impulsive purchases, only to crash into regret. These patterns often carry the emotional residues of early contact with caretakers, where love, safety, or validation may have been entangled with financial behaviour.

We also live in a wider cultural context where worth is often measured by wealth, where scarcity is marketed to us as urgency, and where more is always better. If we don’t pause to bring awareness to these influences, we risk living out inherited scripts around money rather than writing our own.

Gestalt invites us to turn towards our money stories with presence and compassion. To notice, without judgement, what thoughts arise when we look at our bank account. To track what sensations show up in the body when we spend. To become curious about what we are really trying to meet when we click “add to basket” or hoard away our earnings.

When we can hold these patterns gently, we create space for choice. We begin to differentiate between what is truly ours and what was absorbed from others. We reclaim agency.

So if you find yourself stuck in the same financial loops, struggling to feel ease around money, or just curious about what your relationship with money might be trying to show you—know that therapy can help. Not by offering budgeting tips or quick fixes, but by supporting you to meet your money story in all its complexity.

To begin exploring how therapy might support you in reshaping your relationship to money, click here.